ISS James T Kirk: Fond
by Mistress Anko
Summary: Mirror Kirk only felt fondness for a very few people. This explores just how that came to be.
1. Fond

I'm trying to ease myself into Mirror Star trek fanfiction. I'm trying to get in Kirk's head and put myself in the proper mindset to have a nice full lengthened story.I suppose you can see this as a sort of prequel to main story I hope to write.

Sum: Mirror Kirk only felt fondness for a very few people. This explores just how that came to be.

I.S.S. James T Kirk: Fond

Jim would admit to having a fondness for some people, which was more then most in this world would admit to. It wasn't his mother; no she was a damn bitch that couldn't even pretend to have the justified maternal instinct most other mothers seemed capable of providing.

He didn't have an opinion on his Father seeing as how George Kirk died before he met the man, but he did have a stepfather and their relationship was anything, but fond. Frank was a drunk and a bully and after Jim's brother had enough and left both Frank and Jim, Jim deiced that he had, had enough as well, only instead of leaving he drove his father's car off a cliff. Frank hadn't been too happy about that and Jim had only taken three day of that mans displeasure before he came up behind the drunken pig that was passed out on his couch and slit his throat.

When he was sent to Tarsus IV he may have felt some budding fondness for his relatives who, provided he made himself useful, were actually willing to be somewhat affectionate toward him. Useful meant anything from working in the field with the crops or watching his younger cousins, to making repairs on some of their household items and affection meant anything from real spoken words of praise to actual non painful touching, such as having his hair ruffled or a pat on his shoulder. It was all a novel concept to Jim Kirk and it figures that just as he was learning there could be something good in this kill or be killed life that it was all taken away.

Jim didn't let himself become fond of the kids he tried to save. He knew most of them would die and the only way any of them would live would be if he pushed them. If he forced them to kill and run and survive anyway that they could, but they were children, sheltered children even.

How do you make a child whose feet are bleeding keep running? How do you make a child whose body is weak keep killing? How do you make a child who is starving, shacking, alone, cold, desperate, miserable keep living? You didn't unless you became worse then all of those things put together.

Jim or JT became cruel and ruthless. If they feared him, they would follow him. If they feared him they would obey him. If they feared him they would live. The group of children he gathered around him were his and it was understood that if they stopped following, that if they stopped trying he would kill them in a way much worse then starving to death and then he and the others that were left would eat the remains. Anything to survive, no matter the cost; became something of a motto for JT in those days.

That being said, when it was down to his last 5 children and he knew there was no way they would live for much longer he softened his methods somewhat. He felt numb and when five would became four he would feel nothing, but with his last survivors that he had taken so far and for so long he tried to be…comforting. It was not easy for not only did they hate him and fear him, but he had precious little to base comforting action or words on.

Still he tried.

Evan was terrified of him. He kept his head down and agreed to everything JT said. He truly did fear the leader of their group more then death and when JT turned his attention to him, tried to be nicer from one dying boy to another, this seemed to spur Evan into a new phase of terror. It was a shame Jim's first attempt was such a failing because Evan in a move of surprising recklessness was caught by the guards and killed not shortly afterward. JT wasn't ignorant of the fact that Evan took the chance in the first place so as to get away from him.

Nick was practically a zombie. He had lost almost all of his personality and only spoke when spoken too. He would turn slightly confused and uncomprehending dazed eyes towards JT if he was address by him for a reason other then survival, but JT did learn that he would lean into any physical comfort.

It felt strange for Jim to do such a thing, he had barely been getting used to receiving gestures of physical contact himself before everything went to hell, but he was running out of things that he could do both for himself and for those that were depending on him. There was nothing he hated more then helplessness so he steeled himself angst the foreignness of the feeling and squeezed the other boys' shoulder gently, feeling the brittle bones under his own too thin hand. Nick still didn't speck much and still seemed lost if he was spoken to, but began seeking JT out to sit or walk next too.

JT considered this to be somewhat of a win if you could call anything an achievement on this dying world.

Kathrin the only girl left had to her credit, become tough as nails. She had been a fairly overweight child before the food shortages so despite the fact that missing even one meal had been painful for her she had much more for her body to break down when she was starving then most of them did. Now of course she was as skeletal as the rest of them, but still irritable. In other words she still had a personality and this personality hated him. This didn't mean however, that she was unresponsive to his attempt to comfort; only that she reacted in an unexpected way. His attempts at reassuring words turned into her countering them with unshaken pessimism and this evolved into true bickering between them, which was actually was quite stress reliving for both of them.

Tommy was the only one that seemed to understand JT's methods and became almost a second in command so to speck, enforcing JT's rules even when he wasn't there. The two of them had an understanding and when JT changed his methods Tommy understood that too. He stopped breathing down the necks of the others and instead turned his full attention to taking care of the baby. Little Kevin was only four and it was part miracle, part Tommy's desperation that had kept him alive.

JT didn't know why the youngest member of their group meant so much to Tommy. As far as he knew they weren't related. Still Tommy did obviously care for the boy and as he was as close to an equal as JT had in his group he deiced the best way to ease Tommy's own passing was not to use meaningless words or press physical contact on someone even more unused to it then he was, instead he began watching out for Kevin. Sharing the extra reasonability that Tommy had given himself, worked quite well and by the time Starfleet finally came though and got them off of the godforsaken planet JT or rather Jim was not only feared by his group, but also respected and trusted. When they were saved and Jim knew that they all would in fact live he allowed himself to be fond of those last four.


	2. Of Middle and High

Well I feel unloved. I'm not a review whore, but I'd hardly think that having one review per chapter is too much to ask. I've gotten unexpected positive attention for a different story of mine that I didn't have many plans for so I'll start working more on that. I only posted this because I already had it written out.

Of Middle and High

Jim Kirk did not have an instinctive fondness for children, much the opposite in fact he could not stand children. After returning from Tarsus IV and recovering physically enough to be returned to society Jim discovered that he hated his peers with a passion and was barely able to tolerate those younger then him.

How could he be expected to intact with those that had never killed? Never starved? Never suffered before? Yet they talked of it often. How they longed for blood and were fascinated by torture, the peers in his school. They knew nothing and it made Jim angry. He wanted to hurt them, show them the pain they longed to give others. So he did, but he did so in a way that he was praised by his teachers. He had the mentally to go far said the P.E. teacher when he broke a boys leg while they were running track. He understood, the need for academic excellence said his homeroom teacher when the girl he almost choked to death happened to be the only one in the class with a higher grade point average then him.

His peers learned to stay away from him and he learned to control the urge to break and remake his useless classmates. They weren't his equals, they weren't like Tommy.

The smaller children were both easer and harder to deal with. On Tarsus he would find groups of younger children trying to survive and they would be effortlessly converted into his group. It was instinctive for him to see a younger child and think, '_Mine_' and for him to start evaluating their usefulness. How much did they weight? How long would they last? Were they fussy? Would they obey? What was there pain tolerance? Could they have a useful skill? Climbing? Hiding? Running? Killing? Most importantly could they be taught?

This instant '_Mine_' thought was already causing him trouble during recess. Older children bullying the younger ones were a common perfectly normal occurrence at any school. How else were these sheltered baby humans supposed to toughen up?

But in Jim's mind bullies became soldiers. A hand raised to strike became a phaser. In turn this made the bullied children strictly, unquestionably, **his**.

The teachers did not like his interference in the natural order of things, while the ones that he saved (claimed) liked it too much.

No one got rescued. There was no one to turn to except for yourself and if you were strong enough you might be able to make an ally that would tolerate you. That's how the world worked and how one was raised on earth. Jim's blatant refusal of this rule got him not only the teacher's ire, but a strong if confused following of little brats.

He didn't mean to make them follow him both on the playground, in the halls, and even outside of school, didn't mean for them to start looking up to him, obeying him, learning from him.

Hell, Jim wasn't nice to them. He insulted them and told them how weak they were and so what if he through out pieces of advice he didn't think they would listen too and so what if almost all of the biggest stupidest kids ended up going to see the nurse. They shouldn't have pissed him off to begin with.

Jim was in his last year of middle school at the time so was happy to escape to high school where he cut a ruthless path through the students; he was determined to be feared so as not to be bothered. The stories of what could happen to freshman were very real and Jim was the only one able to stand on his own enough to avoid most of the hazing. It would be even more brutal in collage he knew.

To Jim's dismay those his own age began to attempt to do what the brats had done in middle school, use him for protection. Of course Jim was having none of it. He had more or less accepted his role in middle school because he had started it, but he had no reason to protect these pathetic excuses for his follow freshmen, at least not until they gave him a reason or many.

After his mother had been forced to see what a failure her husband was, because Jim killed him and then had seen what a failure sending him away was, seeing as he almost died she had finally been smart about it and let him live alone. Child services couldn't argue that he couldn't take care of himself and that's all that really mattered when your parents wanted to get rid of you. His mom certainly didn't care, but let him live in her house, mostly so it wouldn't be empty while she was gone for years at a time.

The point was that while he had a roof over his head and the replicators were always stocked he didn't have much else, so when one of the stupid little bitches in his class offered him credits if he could keep her older sister and her friends from cutting off her long hair, Jim had reluctantly agreed.

This had started the flock of annoyances and profit.

He dealt with people that stole notes, ruined books, spread rumors, and dunked someone's head in the toilet.

He gained credits, homework passes, someone's favorite leather jacket, and weirdly a pet turtle.

Things got more interesting toward the end of the year.

Protection from broken bones, hack the computers and change some grades, find out if someone is stalking someone else, an excuse to not do the project in room C3.

The payments were better as a result.

A brand new hunting knife, ticket to see the fair, a surprising number of credits, and excellent notes on all his classes for the rest of the year.

He was pretty pleased by the end of the year and found that being naturally cunning, used to thinking about survival, and having learned not only how to hurt someone, but following though on doing so was dead useful in high school.

It was the next year that it stopped being child's play and he had to adjust and learn even more if he wanted to keep the power he had managed to grab in his first year.

Death threats, blackmail, sex, drugs, knife fights, phaser fights, shuttle races, gambling, sadistic teachers, sadistic parents, cutting, maiming, hospitals, poisons, and disorders of the eating, drinking, mental, emotional, physical, sexual, etc…kind.

Welcome to high school bitches wonder how long you'll survive?

Apparently they go easy on freshmen so as to give the new kids fake security while testing which ones will be useful, then when they come back from summer vacation its almost a slaughter.

Jim managed to keep his head above the water barely. There were several different 'clubs' or 'groups' or whatever you wanted to call them and all of them seemed to agree that Kirk in peculiar needed a shot to his ego. Jim ended up at the nurse or worse at the hospital consistently though out the first half of the year, but he never went there alone.

He could beat a one on one in a fair fight or a one on two or one on three. It was always the damn forth person that got in his blind spot or managed to distract him enough for the others to get in a lucky shot. When it was more then three people he knew he wasn't going to the nurse, but the hospital and he knew that his best bet was either getting out of there (which he was good at) or breaking enough bones so that they all came with him to visit the sadistic doctors. Towards winter break he was getting better at giving more then he got. He was getting fasting, punching harder, and fighting both smarter and dirtier. He was starting to be invited to the groups that tried to kick his ass, because they couldn't deny that he was a damn resourceful not to be dead yet with almost everyone after his head, but he wasn't going to join them.

No, Jim didn't have any plans of kissing someone's ass. His year mates had suffered just like he had and the new freshmen were the brats that had followed him around to begin with. He got the contact information from the school computers he hacked and over break he combined almost all of the two youngest years worth of students into one solid group.

**His** group.

He could survive on his own he knew that. He had done so for half the year, but he had liked the respect he had gotten the first year there. He liked having the power. He liked having control of the idiots instead of letting them run wild with there foolishness and mess up his plans.

He would freely admit that he could get more by being a 'team player' at least as long as he controlled the team.

Funny thing that the Freshmen and the Sophomores made up half the school. More really, seeing as it wasn't unusually not to survive high school the Juniors' and Seniors' were the smallest grade levels.

Things turned around quickly and Jim learned a whole lot more about life then he ever wanted to know.

If Tarsus hadn't already blinded him to violence then this would have. Even with the older kids held mostly at bay he still lost a large amount of his group, to drugs, to petty fights, and to reckless behavior. Those that didn't die or quite school grew hard, cold, and cruel.

Sometimes Jim would take a job for a student and sometimes he took a job just because he could.

By the time he was in his last year. He had quite the system set up and someone would take over for him next year. There were lots of profitable ventures to be had in a high school system. It seemed that everyone wanted drugs, sex, or protection and Jim knew just how to get someone what they wanted for the right price.


End file.
